In a matter of a few hours, we’ve gone from putting our house on the market and leaving our home state back to square one. When I woke up, this is not how I anticipated spending my day.
This morning, the Supreme Court effectively struck down the marriage bans in 11 states, five of which were involved in appellate decisions and the rest of which are now bound by the precedent of their respective circuit and must fall in line in short order:
- Virginia
- Oklahoma
- Utah
- Wisconsin
- Indiana
- Colorado
- Kansas
- North Carolina
- South Carolina
- West Virginia
- Wyoming
This brings the total states to 30 plus the District of Columbia. It means that almost all of the country, when measured by population, currently, or shortly, will live in states where marriage equality is a reality once you factor in other states, like Texas, where the decision is pending appeal that now stands little hope of succeeding.
[mainbodyad]The result of this unexpected windfall – and unexpected it was as I don’t think there was a single high-profile legal analyst who predicted the Supreme Court passing on all seven cases, upholding the overturns across the board – was me accelerating our exit plan from the State of Missouri, where my family and I have spent almost our entire lives. Even if it meant temporarily moving over the border into Illinois, Iowa, or Kansas, or maybe even renting a house in California for awhile (Laguna Beach is tempting), both Aaron and I were jumping ship. The tipping point had been reached and patience exhausted. Missouri was now completely surrounded by eight states that either had marriage equality in practice or had it on paper, pending a stay order until higher courts could hear the appeal of the losing side.
In the midst of real estate listings, calculations, and discussions about what we wanted to do – figuring out how to get the house on the market, where we wanted to live (Aaron thought maybe we should just go see Europe or Asia for six months or a year while we worked out the details, which sounds really, really interesting) – the Attorney General of the State of Missouri, Chris Koster, issued a surprise announcement nobody saw coming. I’m having a hard time believing it because it was so sudden, with no warning, but it’s right there on this website:
Three days ago, state Circuit Judge J. Dale Youngs ruled in Barrier v. Vasterling that Missouri must recognize out of state marriages, striking down part of the constitutional amendment passed in 2004. (The case didn’t deal with new marriages, only ones performed in other states; e.g., you get married in Iowa and return to Missouri.)
Aaron and I are 2 of the 10,800 Missouri citizens affected by this ruling. Everyone anticipated the Attorney General would appeal it. However, citing the Supreme Court’s actions this morning, and the need for business competition and attracting human capital (again, this would mean Missouri was surrounded on all sides by eight other states where marriage equality was, or would soon be, a reality), he has decided Missouri will accept the court’s decision. There will be no appeal. The ruling now stands. The ban on out of state recognition for lawfully married couples has fallen.
[mainbodyad]This changes everything. Had it not happened, I doubt we would have remained Missouri citizens by the end of the year. The opportunity cost had become too high, and often reared itself in constant reminders (e.g., setting up a new limited liability company, the membership agreement could only be drafted as membership units held jointly with right of survivorship rather than as marital property). I’m still not sure what we’re going to do but at the very least, it removes the time pressure to get out before a new fiscal tax period starts. It also means a trip to the notary is in order as we now need to reorganize the capital structure of our businesses as there can be no state gift tax on transfers between us.
I feel like this is an excellent justification for having celebration cake three times a year; our real anniversary, the date when we were legally married, and the date when our home state recognized our marriage. I’m not sure if that makes up for the tens of thousands of dollars in accounting and legal fees we’ve had to endure because of other people’s stupidity and bigotry but, let’s be honest, cake is cake.
All of this aside, what interests me about the Supreme Court’s decision on the seven cases today is that it only takes 4 out of 9 justices to grant a writ of certiorari. It’s no surprise the liberal justices didn’t vote to pick up the cases because Ginsberg indicated awhile ago she and her cohorts wanted to let the lower courts and state legislatures do all of the work so there was no Roe v. Wade moment that could be reversed or cause political polarization. That leaves the conservative wing, which couldn’t muster four votes among themselves. In all probability, that indicates Chief Justice John Roberts didn’t want the court to rule on the merits. At least not yet. Either he knows Kennedy was going to strike down the bans in all 50 states and wanted to kick the can down the road to lessen the political impact on the court’s long-term reputation, which matters a great deal to him, or the whispers are true and the ultimate victory may be 6-3 with Roberts writing his Loving v. Virginia or Brown v. Board of Education; certainly the most important legacy of his career and what would get him into the history books.
I’d have loved to have been a fly on the wall during conference. We won’t know what happened for many years, though, when the autobiographies are published.
Reader Comments (44)
Comments are presented chronologically, with replies indented beneath the comments to which they respond.
David Bell
October 6, 2014
Joshua, I'm shocked to be the first to offer my sincere congratulations to you and Aaron... As a long time reader who has never before contributed to the conversation, I am thrilled to be able to make my first comment a big 'hurray' to you guys being able to live where you want, as you want. About time the US made the right call on this one... hope it stands up to any and all challenges. Enjoy your cake!
Alex
October 6, 2014
We've finally crossed the Rubicon! You can't possibly imagine how happy this makes me. Congratulations to you and Aaron and everyone else affected by this ruling. I'm positive that over the next decade most of the remaining states will join in on the equality. I'm even more positive that over the next two decades or so the stigmas, discrimination, and persecution will cease and we'll look upon the entire situation with disgust. The world is getting better day by day :).
AAAff
October 6, 2014
Or the conservatives kicked it down the road because if Ginsburg retires during a Republican presidential term, Kennedy's vote may no longer matter. Either way, I'm not sure it matters any more. This is in many ways a generational issue, and there's every reason to believe - Supreme Court or not - that the legalization of gay marriage on a constitutional level is only a matter of time.
Congrats to the both of you! Here's a toast from somewhere far away 🙂
Is there a story behind the real anniversary thing? What is that? It seems like you and Aaron found each other early in life - that's amazing. Good luck on your journey forward together.
Roundball
October 6, 2014
Congratulations! Very happy for you
Joshua
October 6, 2014
Congratulations!! It's nice to think that my 5 month old daughter could grow up in a country where a ban on gay marriage will seems as crazy to her as a ban on interracial marriage.
Steven
October 6, 2014
Congratulations guys, I'm thrilled for you both!
Kandice
October 6, 2014
Joshua - I've been reading your blog for a while now, maybe a year or two. And I bought and read your book, as well, and on occasion hopped over to About.com to read your articles there. I've tried some of the recipes you've written about. My family really enjoyed the white chicken chili one. And I've not commented on the blog until now. But I never until now put two and two together that you and Aaron were a couple until this post. Chalk it up to being a relatively new reader or because it makes no difference either way because I really don't care, I don't know, but I wanted to congratulate you both on this historic day. While I am a fiscal conservative, Christian and a Texan, I am socially liberal and fully support marriage equality. Hopefully all states will recognize the right to marry and be granted the same legal protections husbands and wives currently enjoy, be it in the context of medical decision-making for a spouse or just a less complicated property transfer. I hope my children (one son, one daughter) grow up knowing they have the freedom to marry whomever they choose, regardless of gender. Congratulations, gentlemen!
Ian Francis
October 7, 2014
Replying to Kandice
To be fair, I think he made a point of never specifically stating it. Knowing, it is so easy to go back and see how obvious it is, but without that knowledge you instinctively fill in the information gaps with what is perceived as "normal."
innerscorecard
October 7, 2014
Replying to Ian Francis
I just assumed Joshua didn't want to make it explicit for some unstated reason that I didn't want to guess. I was doing my best to "report" comments from readers that said things like "why didn't you go to [X location] with your spouse instead of Aaron?" Lol.
Alexis C
October 7, 2014
Replying to Ian Francis
I figured Joshua was practicing "stealth family" the way he counsels others to practice "stealth wealth."
innerscorecard
October 8, 2014
Replying to Alexis C
This is exactly the same thing I was trying to say with my early comment which was deleted for some reason. But you said it a lot better.
Alexis C
October 10, 2014
Replying to innerscorecard
Plot twist: Joshua and Aaron aren't together. This is the culmination of a years-long experiment Joshua has been performing on his readership to see how they react to the ambiguity.
Julia
October 7, 2014
What a wonderful day!!! 🙂 Although, I think Aaron still has the right idea about traveling for the next several months! But then again, I'm biased as that is exactly what we are doing.. (Also, I'm trying to add my voice as one of your kick-ass female and silent readers)
Kandice
October 7, 2014
Replying to Julia
Yay for female readers!
Leonie
October 7, 2014
Congratulations! So happy for you and Aaron! Wonderful news!
Kevin
October 7, 2014
Great news, congratulations to you both! And just as it's a great justification for cake, it could also be a great justification for a trip to Europe or Asia... or both, there's a whole world of cakes out there 🙂
Ashly
October 7, 2014
Yay!!!!! Make sure to have the cherry cake you had at your wedding I have been dreaming about it for years now and want to relive it through you!
Deena
October 7, 2014
"...cake is cake." Quite possibly my favorite thing you have ever written! - D
dave nestle
October 7, 2014
Congrats you two crazy kids!!
Wow, my goal for the day to learn some thing new has been reached early. I guess since it really didnt matter to me, and in the back of my head I knew it was only a matter of time till the whole country(every state, like it or not) was in unison on the issue, I never thought about the financial end of it, outside of getting spousal employer benefits. The marriage property tranfer thing is huge.
A toast to you two!
Oh, and hello to all the new ladies here in da house 🙂
Ian Francis
October 7, 2014
Amazing how quickly the tides turn from a de-facto federal ban on gay marriage to most states accepting it. In hindsight, the push in the early 2000s by many states to ban gay marriage does seem to be a desperate attempt at preventing the inevitable. It is funny how popular opinion can change in such a short period of time after decades (centuries, millennia?) of repression. Good news, at this rate, the majority of people will accept global warming as a problem we have to contend with around the year 3000.
innerscorecard
October 7, 2014
There's a lot between the lines in many of the posts here (many of which are now no longer public) that is very thought-provoking and fascinating, at least to me. If someone ever writes a The Snowball for Joshua...
innerscorecard
October 7, 2014
Congratulations!
And seriously, if you ever make that big trip to "Europe and Asia," please allow me the favor of showing you guys around a little bit of my neck of the woods.
DividendGrowth
October 7, 2014
Congratulations on the good news Joshua. I hope you and your spouse spend a long happy time together!
Jeff
October 7, 2014
My reading comprehension is lacking. I thought Aaron was your brother, lol.
Felipe
October 7, 2014
Congratulations! Fantastic news for you and Aaron! If you guys decide to spend some time in Europe, make sure to stop by in Norway!
MilitaryBrat
October 7, 2014
lol, some of you guys are so daft. It's completely obvious that Joshua is in love with Aaron. I didn't realize that he hadn't said anything about it. But ... I mean ... they were looking to move to California together, the blog has always had a particular conviction when it came to talking about gay rights issues (like when Arizona attempted to pass its silly law) and .. oh well .. it was just obvious!!!
what i think is particularly cool is that they were childhood best friends, went to college together, started a business together, and are now lifelong partners. i am possibly the most cynical person you could ever meet and i think it's incredibly sweet. 🙂
also, aaron has gotten kinda hot since he started working out. (full disclosure: I am straight, but am in love with Joshua's mind).
auden5
October 7, 2014
Congratulations, Joshua. May you and Aaron have many more blessings.
mikecrosby
October 7, 2014
Congrats Joshua. I'm not sure why, but I got the impression Aaron was your brother.
I'm conservative and I was against same sex marriage. A few years ago went to a wedding where two men got married. Certainly different for me, but after the experience I began to change my attitude.
Yeah, Laguana Beach is a great town. Hope you guys end up in CA.
dave
October 7, 2014
All this time, I always thought that's one tight partnership...but it never occurred to me. Forgive my ignorance Joshua.
Reading your California travels, I thought : "wow, leaving the spouse to spend weeks with your friend on these trips. That's an understanding spouse alright!"
TheLonelyHumanist
November 7, 2014
Replying to dave
I kept wondering why he always said "spouse" and not wife. 🙂
SB
October 7, 2014
Congratulations! Really happy for you.
Pablo
October 7, 2014
I am so happy for your two! I've been clueless the whole time since I started reading your blog a few years ago. I'm really happy that you can get married in your home state now. I was happy to share the good news with my boyfriend this morning about your post. 🙂
AC
October 7, 2014
Joshua,
You have too much talent to live somewhere you are not appreciated! There are a lot of great places to live in the US and the rest of the world. No reason to be in a locale you are not thrilled to live. Best of luck!
Young Rider
October 8, 2014
Hi Josh...Congrats to you and Aaron...Have your cake and eat it too..
Ilya
October 8, 2014
Congratulations, happy to hear the wonderful news!
Matt N
October 8, 2014
I know I'm a bit late and I haven't commented for a while, but just wanted to offer my congratulations too! Great news for you both.
A Patel
October 8, 2014
Congrats to you and Aaron! Thanks for sharing how important these decisions are on a personal level.
Eke Urum
October 8, 2014
I've read the blog for years! Congrats to your both, it's so great to see you and Aaron's patience rewarded. It should never have taken that long, but better late, than never! All the best!
James Crooks
October 9, 2014
Congratulations! This is fantastic news for you, the state of Missouri, and the progress of equality! Sometimes, the cake is not a lie.
It will be an exciting day when we can finally retire one more bigoted idea to the dustbin of history. I'd like to think we're almost there in the US.
Bryan
October 9, 2014
As a fellow Missourian, I too am proud of this decision. I sincerely hope you both enjoy life long happiness and financial success.
JB
October 10, 2014
Congratulations!
Steven
October 10, 2014
Joshua, I want to say your blog is a very powerful force in changing attitudes. You come across in your writing as a very intelligent and a genuinely nice person, who cares deeply about Aaron.
Anyone with a heart who is uncomfortable with gay marriage can't help but reassess their thinking after following your blog for a while.
As someone who has minimal (known) exposure to gay couples, I can say that 'knowing' a real example though your writings have changed my thoughts on the subject of gay marriage from ambivalence to being a firm supporter.
Mr.owenr
October 13, 2014
Congrats, and if you do leave I highly reccomend coming to live in Indiana.
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